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SUICIDE NOTE

Suicide Note

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Zoudawn a piang leh khangkhia ka hih ziak in mihinpihte itna leh khongaihna, kinek ngaihna chihte ka na theikha hi. Zoudawn ah bel a zawng leh hau kal kidei danna omlou deuh in kuapeuh neih bangbang toh lungkim tak in kikhosa hi.  A zawngpen a kipan a haupen tan niteng nektawm zong, vuahzu-daikai leh thousi-thouvai nuai ah azu-aham thuak a lou khou in nek kizong chiat hi. A hau leh neizou kichideuhte'n leng sihzou tang-al pok meh ua, a zawng leh gentheite'n le tua mah kimeh veve hi. Meh lim leh chituam deuh meh ni in insak-inkhang, tanau-lainate kinekngaih ahihman in a tam a tawm genlouh in kikhol chitchit hi.

Saptuam leh khotang sung bang leng ahau leh neizoute' vaihawmna hipahlou in heutu dia chinte mah vaihawmna nuai a ki-om ahihman in thoveng mahmah hi. Sum-le-pai hauh ziak a makai, heutu a pan chih a om kei a, zawn ziak a nawlkhin chihleng a om sam kei. Michih in amau hihtheihna lam chiat ah mun poimawhtak kiluahtek hi.

Zoudawn a nekzonna pipen lou khoh ahihman in kumteng in lou neihna di mun khosung mipi'n kitel zel hi. Hiai hun ah leng a hau leh neizoute'n lou tel masa leh amunhoihna tang chih ahituan kei. Lou mun diing 'vompi sa hawm' thohlou in loulai kidok a, mahni dok khak dandan a lou kitel ahihman in kuamah khase thei omlou hi. Huanah, nopni-dahni hun ah leng a zawng leh hau kal kideidanna omlou in ki-uap khipkhep vek hi. Kimai-et luakluak chihte om selou. Saptuam leh biakna vai ah zong neih bangbang toh Pathian biak kipom hi! A zawng tawpte a di'n le saptuam leh khotang vai a kibual a noplouh nang a om kei.

Mite' eng vungvung lou a, mahni neih bangbang a lungkimtak a ka om lai un maban khualna ziak leh siamsinna lam a a sangzaw mitsuanna toh Lamka lam ah ka pem uhi. Zoudawn tawng, khota neuchik a kipan a khopi zuan a pemkhia ka hihman un khopih-tuipih banah lawm-le-vualte'n ahon eng mahmah ua, khopi a teng di chi'n keileng a guktak in ka kipak veve.

Huchi'n, Lamka ah mi inn kilkhat luah in khosak ka hon pan nawn uhi. Sum muhna kichian neilou, nektawm zong nana-na a di'n tuh khopi a nop zawkna di a om tuankei. Insak-inkhang kikawm tuah dialdial chihte a om nawnkei. Inn kineh taktak a kitengkhawm chitchet hinapi'n lungsim kigamla thei mahmah hi. Thil bangkim kideihsakpiak chihte a om kei a, ahoupen a gen in tang-al nasan lei ngai hi.

Ka nu'n mehzuak leh siamgat thuah a, ka pa kiloh in kuan zel hi. Ka nu'n bel ama sep di khop mumu sam mahleh ka pa'n ahun tamzaw phial ah sep di mulou in om sek hi. Mite nnasem a kiloh maimai bang le tanau pai hita ahihman in tanau hauloute a di'n tuh sepna di muh haksa mahmah suak hi.

Khosak haksat ziak in kingaihtuah dedu leh a chang in kingaise zen in hun ka zang zel hi. Zoudawn a ka om lai ua neih bangbang a lungkim leh kipaktak a om a, hinkho nuamtak ka zatlai khawng ka ngai petmah. Mite' om dan khawng ka muh chiang in nopsak tuak uh ka sa a, ka eng thei mahmah hi. Mi eng di phet a bang dia Lamka a pem sese ka hi ua chi'n khat veivei ka pem khak uh bang ka kisik tuntun hi. Huanah, nidang a chikmah a ka lungsim a om ngeilou - mite' eng di phet a hin sang in kithah mai bang ka lunggulh hun a om thei mawk hi.

Lawm-le-vual pawl lengle kipahna taktak ka mu tuankei. Amau' hinkhua leh kei' hinkhua va tehkak khasek ka hihman in. Saptuam sung leh khotang sung bang ah leng kihuituamna, a nei leh neilou kal kichiziatna a sang luat ziak in nop ka sa kei. I niteng khosak dan uh, i khotang hinkhua uh ka ning petmah. A hau leh neizoute' tung ah ni sa a; a zawng leh gentheite kiang ah vuahzu bangmai ahi.

Piching hial hinaikei mahle'ng nungak bang a simtheih ka hi samta. Himahleh tangval ka neikei a, hong hel a hong lengla di le ka nei samkei. Midang, keivual gentaklouh keisang a naupang zaw thamthamte khawng in lah tangval nei kia phetlou, a deih hunhun ua khek thithe thei ua bangziak a ke'n ka neihlouhse ahia? Ka mel selua a maw? Ngaihtak mahmah lou ka diam chihkhawng ngaihtuah in kingaihsiatna ngen in ahon pumtuam sek hi.

Mite a tangvalte khawng uh toh gari a kipawkhe helhel ua, nuamtak a hun zangte khawng ka muhchiang in hazatna ka neilou theikei. Mi dangte'n zaw nuamsa ve uh aw bangziak a kei ana hichituamse ka hia? Bangziak a kei sese! Hiai khovel ah poimawhna himhim ka neikei. Ka sih leh hin leng kuaman theilou uh a; ka om leh omlouh leng kuaman phawk seselou uhi. Hichibang lel a hinkhua zang ka hihman in hiai khovel ah ka hin man omlou hi.

Suangtuahna khovel a kingaise tak a hun ka zatlai in ka lungzuan leh kingaihsiatnate nemtu ahihkhakleh chi'n social media, a diak in facebook khoih ka hon panta hi. A 'luck' lou sa nana-na a di'n tuh facebook khoihleng a nopna himhim a om tuankei a, huai naksang in kingaihsiatna hon behlaptu ahi zaw lai hi. Mi'n a om dan leh gamtatdante khawng uh ahon khahkhiat chiang un nopsak tuak thei mahmah uh a, amaute ka enna a lian deuhdeuh mai.

Ka lawm-le-vual, ka nungakpih midangte'n message simsenglouh dong ua, a limlak leh status-te khawng uah 'comment' tamthei mahmah hi. Amauzaw nop a saktuak theilua uh! Ke'n limlak leh status chihkhawng ka update chiang in ka inn geite uh, lawm bang a ka kipolhpih pasal khat in ahon like-sak leh comment zual chihlouh midang apat om ngeilou phial hi. Social media nasan inle ahon tawlem petmah!

Mite'n social media tuamtuamte chimthoihna, lawm zonna leh mi toh kitheihtuahna banah lawmte toh kithuzakna'n zangmahle uh kei a di'n zaw hiai gentheihna khovel hon ning saktu lel ahih  ban ah, sihna gu bangmai a hat leh lauhuai ahi lai hi. Mite’ om dan leh kei om dan ka bukkak chiang in ka hinkhua ah kipahna leh nopsakna di himhim a om kei. Bang dia hiai khovel gentheihna, lunggimna leh mangbatna thuak a, mite eng di phet a ana piang sese ka hia?

Saptuam leh khotang vai ah leng mizawng leh gentheite a di’n mun a awng nawnkei. Khristian sahkhua zui a, mihinpihte it leh panpih ngaite panpih kichimahle hang a taktak gam ah zaw a bawng-bawng a kikhen tiltel a, a nei leh neilou kal guam thukpi a kikhen henhon ana hi maimah hi. Saptuam sung, a diak in tuailai lak ah leng lapawl form di ka lei zohlouh ziak in ka kihel theikei hi. Neih bangbang toh lungkim tak a Pathian bia a, A phatna laa saktheihna mun Zoudawn ngaihhuai hina tel e!

Mi toh na kitehkak louh chiang in kipahna taktak namu ding chih thupil ka thei. Neih bangbang a lungkim leh kipaktak a hinkhozat sawm mahle’ng i khotang dinmun leh paidan un ahon phalkei. Mi zawng leh gentheite bangmah a simlou a, mihau leh milalte’ mai-et tottot a, amaute’ vaihawmna nuai a khosa ihih man un mizawng leh dai kilkal a mite a di’n kipaktak a hinkhozat na di hun omlou hi.

Ka zawn leh gentheihna uh kuamah ka mohsa theikei himahleh hichibang a ki-elna leh kimuhsitna khotang ah keileng ka kimohsa theituan bok kei! Zoudawn a kipak leh nuamsa tak a hinkhua zang a, khosung mipite toh kikhentuamna himhim omlou a kichimat tak a hinkhua ka zatlai nite ka ngai ngeimai. Hiai khopi, kitheihsiamna himhim omlouhna ah kei mimal  haksatna leh lunggim, puakgikte mi kiang ah ka gen ngamkei. Ka haksatna hon thuakpih a, ahon theisiam di mi kua mah ka mukei!

Ka haksat, lunggim leh puaknat thilte genkhe ngamlou in ka sialpi vuahthuak keihkuih mai hi. Ka nu-le-pa ngeileng inkuan khosakna di ngaihhtuah in buaithei mahmah ua, kei a di’n hun nei manlou uhi. Tua mah bang in khotang in leng hichibang a kingaisete hehnem a, amaute panpih ding in kong ahon samkei. Kuapeuh mahni buai dandan in kibuai chiat a, midangte a di’n hun kineilou hi. Hichibang a inkuan sung leh khotang hai (ignorant society) ah bel lunggim leh kingaisia a, hiai khovel ning mahmahte a di’n sihna lou ngal a lampi dang omlou hi.

Mahni kithah ziak a khotang mohsa n’on chi maithei uh himahleh hichibang a khovel chimtak leh kingeise ngoihngoih a hunzangte’ a di’n lam-etna khovak puaktu ihi hia, ahihkaleh a lungkham leh puakgikte uh behlaptu? Ke’n leng nidang in mahni kithat te dawilok leh hai sa in ka na mohsa petmah himahleh hehnemtu di omlouhna ah zaw thil hithei mah ana hi hi! Pathian in leng ana hamsiatsa hiai khovel ning kichi thil lamdang hilou hi!

Mahni’ kithat hoihsa leh tawsawn ka hi zenzen kei. Amaute lungkham, puakgik leh a haksatnate uh hehnem leh dawn zangkhai dia mimal leh pawlpi, khotang kihong tak a i om hiuheu uh poimawh hi. Kei a di’n zaw a kikhelta himahleh kei dandan a kingaisia tamtak om leh hong om zel lai diingte’ hinna bang chileh i humbit thei dia? Hiai khovel gentheihna maimai le thuak zoulou a tangtawn gawtmun thuaklai di zaw ahaksa tel mai! Huaiziakin, hiai ka hon nutsiat ka ‘Suicide Note’ a pan a kingaihtuah a, maban a mahni kithat chihte a om nawnlouhna di’n mimal, saptuam leh pawl tuamtuamte’n pan naktak in hon la un aw…!.

 ZM Tonsing | thaikawitongluan.com |  19092017

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